Edward Cullen: Terrible Gift Giver by Honeymoon Edward
by Naughty or Nice Contest
Summary: How many times can one man get it wrong?


**Contest entry for the Naughty or Nice Twilight Christmas Contest**

 **Title:** Edward Cullen: Terrible Gift Giver

 **Pairing:** Edward & Bella

 **Rating:** M

 **Word Count:** 6,280

 **Summary:** How many times can one man get it wrong?

 **Disclaimer:** Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

 **Edward Cullen: Terrible Gift Giver**

 **Christmas, 2013**

Edward and Bella's first Christmas together was also their first one as man and wife. Their engagement had been brief because as soon as Edward Cullen had laid eyes on Bella Swan, he had known she was it for him. There had been no reason to prolong the inevitable. So after just two months of dating, he had asked her to become his wife.

And she had instantly agreed because she was as equally in love with him.

One of the many things Edward adored about Bella was her kind and thoughtful nature. Whether she was taking casseroles to their widowed neighbor, buying extra school supplies for her best friend's classroom, or stopping by the police station to drop off freshly baked cookies to her father and his co-workers, his wife was always doing something for others.

But that was nothing compared to the way she doted on him.

Bella was continually showing her adoration for him through small tokens and gestures. It wasn't uncommon for Edward to get in his car and find a love-filled note taped to his rearview mirror or for him to receive a lunchtime delivery from his favorite sub shop while he was at the office.

And when it came to gift-giving, Bella had always knocked it out of the park. On Valentine's Day, she had gotten him front-row tickets to see his favorite band and had even somehow arranged for them to go backstage after the concert. And on his recent birthday, he had awoken not only to the most spectacular blowjob of his entire life but also to a set of season tickets for the Mariners.

Edward was one lucky bastard.

That's why he wanted to make their first holiday together special. He wanted to give his wife a gift that would express the intense love and passion he felt for her; to show her how much she truly meant to him, but he had a small problem.

Edward Cullen was a terrible gift-giver.

As hard as he had tried, it was an art he could not master. Even as a child, his gift-giving skills had been lacking.

Like the time he had made his father, the head of cardiology at a local hospital, an ashtray.

Or when he had given his grandmother a dead bird because he had been confident she would find its feathers beautiful.

And no one would ever let him forget about the incident where he had taken his mother's half-eaten box of Easter chocolates and given them to his sixth-grade teacher in an attempt to win her devotion.

Over the years, his ability hadn't improved.

For her sweet-sixteen, his first girlfriend was the recipient of a locket that turned her entire neck green. And just last Christmas, his mother had been rather displeased when he had gifted her a book on etiquette.

But Edward wasn't a quitter, and he was positive he would find the perfect present for his wife.

He even had an ace up his sleeve.

Charlie Swan.

Bella's father would undoubtedly have suggestions for something that would be meaningful and special.

"A turtle."

"A turtle?" Edward repeated, surprise evident in his tone. When he had asked his father-in-law for a list of ideas, he had never expected his response to be a reptile.

"Yep, she used to beg me to get her a turtle. She had seen one out by the bank of the Hoh River one day when she went fishing with Billy and me. Asked me for a damn turtle every single day for near a month afterward."

"And you really think she would still want one?" Edward asked skeptically. In all the time he'd known Bella, he couldn't recall her ever being partial to them. In fact, she hadn't even wanted to watch the new _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle_ show with him that past Saturday morning.

"Trust me," Charlie said patting his son-in-law on the back. "She'll love it. Now let's have a beer."

So two days before Christmas, Edward drove to the closest pet store, which was located in Port Angeles to purchase a turtle and all its necessary accessories.

"Sorry, bro," a pimply-faced teenage boy with wavy blond hair mumbled behind a copy of Thrasher. "We sold our last turtle yesterday, but we'll get some new ones in by the end of next week."

"Next week?" Edward lamented. "But I need one for Christmas."

"Sucks to be you," the boy replied laying down his magazine before shrugging his shoulders apathetically.

 _Jeez. The only thing that sucks is your customer service skills_ , Edward thought before asking, "Are there any other pet stores nearby?"

"Nope."

Sighing, Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I guess I'm going to Seattle then. Thanks for your help."

As he turned to walk out the door, the boy called out, "There's always Craigslist."

"Craigslist?"

"Here," the boy replied pulling out his phone before typing into the search engine. "You're in luck. This guy's got two turtles, and he's only ten minutes away."

"Seriously?" Edward responded as he read the internet ad. After making a call and confirming the turtles were still available, he said to the boy, "It looks like I'm getting a turtle today after all. Can you set me up with the accessories?"

The boy's eyes lit up as he realized all the equipment the man would need. He worked on commission, and he was about to make some serious bank.

"Well, first you will need a tank. Now, most people start with a forty-gallon, but if you want the best, you should definitely get the one-hundred and twenty-five."

When Christmas morning arrived, Edward was giddy with excitement as he led Bella to the dining room where he had set up her gift the previous evening after she had gone to bed.

"Edward. What in the world!" Bella exclaimed once she saw what appeared to be a huge rectangle box covered by a sheet residing on her dining room table.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," he beamed before yanking away the material to reveal not one, but two turtles.

Bella looked at the aquarium that took up the majority of the table's surface and then looked back at her husband. Her mouth opened and then shut. And then opened again.

Seeing his wife's expression of astonishment, Edward did an internal fist pump.

He had finally nailed it.

After a few moments, Bella walked to the tank and gave its inhabitants a closer inspection.

Surely those couldn't be what she was seeing.

But after further examination, there wasn't any doubt.

Her husband had gotten her two snapping turtles for Christmas.

Later that afternoon, their entire family came over for Christmas dinner.

Since her dining room table now held a one hundred and twenty-five-gallon aquarium, Bella had nowhere for her guests to sit. Luckily, her father brought a couple of card tables, which they set up in the living room to provide temporary seating.

While Bella and her mother-in-law were busy finishing a few dishes in the kitchen, Edward proudly showed the turtles to his father, brother, and father-in-law.

Charlie took one look at Edward's gift and chuckled. "Holy hell, son. Are those snapping turtles? Don't you realize what a bad idea that is?"

Edward gave his father-in-law a questioning glance. And just as the words, "Why's that" were leaving his mouth, his brother, Emmett, cried out in pain.

"That's why," Charlie muttered to a stunned Edward who watched in horror as his brother lifted his bloody hand out of the turtle tank.

The tip of Emmett's index finger was dangling by a small piece of skin.

While his parents took Emmett to the emergency room, Charlie and Edward drove to the Sol Duc River and released the turtles back into the wild.

Seeing the forlorn expression on Edward's face, Charlie attempted to comfort him the best way he knew how. "It's the thought that counts, son. Now, let's go home and have a beer."

 **Christmas 2014**

After what had been dubbed the great reptile incident of 2013, Edward was more determined than ever not to flub this year's holiday gift.

However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't think of anything to get Bella.

While they were watching the game one Sunday afternoon, he shared his dilemma with his brother. "I want to get her something she'll really like and enjoy; I just don't know what that is."

"That's easy," Emmett replied after taking a gulp of his beer and releasing a belch. "Get her some lingerie. Girls love that shit."

"They do?" Edward asked, his voice faint with disbelief. He wasn't sure if that was true of his wife. Sure, she had donned a sexy ensemble on their wedding night, but other than that, she hadn't ever worn anything similar.

"Of course they do," he explained. "I used to buy it for Kate all the time."

"But she dumped your ass."

"Not because of that, you fucker," Emmett said while throwing a pillow at his head. "Just do it. Trust me."

The more Edward thought about it, the more convinced he became that it was a good idea. Bella would certainly enjoy a couple of pretty, satin gowns. If nothing else, they would be much more comfortable than the tank tops and sweats she typically wore to bed.

And he couldn't lie; he knew there was going to be an added benefit for him. The gift would likely induce several rounds of incredibly, hot sex.

Emmett was a genius.

So three weeks before Christmas, Edward drove to British Columbia at the recommendation of his brother.

" _If you're going lingerie shopping, you've gotta go to The Love Den."_

" _The Love Den? Can't I just get something at Victoria's Secret?"_

" _Victoria's Secret?" Emmett scoffed, shaking his head. "Sure, if you want to get something ordinary and basic. But, if you want something special, you go to The Love Den."_

Edward definitely wanted to get something special. His wife deserved the best. So he made the three and a half hour trek to the store. Once he arrived, however, he realized he had made a horrible mistake.

The Love Den was a sex shop.

"Can I help you?" a young blonde inquired as he stood gawking at a display of strap-ons.

"Um … no," he gulped as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. For some reason, he had begun sweating. "I don't think you have what I need. In fact, I was just getting ready to leave."

"Oh? What were you looking for?" she persisted, eager to make a sale.

"Lingerie for my wife, but I'm pretty certain I've come to the wrong place."

"No, we have a large selection of lingerie in the back. Here let me show you."

Since he had driven such a far distance, Edward figured he might as well take a look.

The salesperson led him through row after row of dildos, nipple clamps, and lube before they finally reached the apparel section.

"So, what did you want? A corset? Bodystocking? Garters?"

As she stood waiting for him to respond, Edward silently wondered what a bodystocking was, but decided it was best not to ask.

After a moment, he replied. "Do you have anything simpler? You know, like a negligee or something?"

The woman pursed her lips at him before asking, "This is for your wife?" Edward nodded his head, a small blush covering his cheeks. Running her hand over his arm, she murmured, "Let me take care of it. I know exactly what she would like."

Five hundred dollars later, Edward left the store. The salesperson, Bree, had ensured him the mesh babydoll set, edible thongs, and open cup teddy would be a huge hit on Christmas morning.

While he was there, Edward had gotten so caught up in the holiday spirit, he had even purchased a few toys for Bella as well.

The twenty-fifth couldn't arrive soon enough; his wife was going to be thrilled.

When Christmas morning finally came, Edward awoke to find his wife setting a plate of freshly baked muffins on the table.

As he reached to get one, she smacked his hand away while scolding him. "Edward! Why aren't you dressed? Everyone will be here in just a few minutes!"

"Huh?" he eloquently replied while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Bella sighed. "I've told you at least four times. We're having Christmas breakfast with our families this year. Now hurry and get some clothes on."

"But, I thought we were opening our gifts to each other this morning." he sulked.

He'd been waiting weeks for this day and was looking forward to reaping the benefits of his wife's gift.

Sensing her husband's disappointment, she gave him a quick kiss. "Oh honey, we'll get to celebrate later after they leave. Now please, get ready."

Two hours later, the entire family was gathered around Bella and Edward's Christmas tree. Emmett had insisted on playing Santa Claus and had begun passing out the gifts.

Before he realized what was happening, Edward saw his wife opening the red package he had carefully wrapped the previous evening.

"Bella, wait!"

But he was too late. Edward cringed as he watched her lift the lid off the white box.

"Oh, honey! How did you know I wanted these?"

 _What?_

Bella was holding a piece of the copper cookware he had purchased for Esme and beaming.

Realizing his wife had been given his mother's package by mistake, Edward released a long exhale.

"I love them, and I love you!" she squealed before running over to give him a kiss.

Edward had been so busy basking in his wife's bliss, it didn't even occur to him that Esme might have been given Bella's gift until he heard the audible gasp of shock float from across the room.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! _What is this_?"

He turned in horror toward his mother who was holding a purple clit critter in one hand and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs in the other.

"Ooh, is that the new disco bunny?" his brother remarked with a laugh. "Nice."

Bella's face paled as she came to the realization that she had opened the wrong gift.

"I —I'm going to go make some coffee," she stammered as she quickly fled the room.

"I'll help," his mother said as she rushed out after her.

Edward buried his head in his hands and groaned as his brother took picture after picture of the discarded present.

"This shit's going on Facebook."

 **Christmas 2015**

After screwing up his wife's present two years in a row, Edward went to the best gift-giver he knew for advice.

His mother.

"Sweetheart, if you would only pay closer attention to what Bella says, I'm sure she would give you some inclination of what she would like for Christmas."

Heeding his mother's counsel, Edward carefully noted everything his wife said the weeks prior to the holiday.

And on a Monday morning, as they were both dressing for work, his answer came.

"Honey?"

"Hmm?"

"Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" Bella asked as she scrutinized herself in the mirror.

Edward wasn't stupid enough to fall into that trap.

"No! Of course not," he promised as he crossed the room and pulled her into his arms. "You look gorgeous."

After returning his hug and giving him a quick peck on the mouth, Bella scrunched up her nose and continued to give her body a thorough examination. "No, I think they do. I'm going to change."

Once he got to the office, Edward went to his colleague's door and knocked. "Hey Heidi, got a sec?"

"Sure, what's up?" she replied looking up from her computer.

"What's the name of that gym you were telling me about?"

"Black's?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Do you still go?"

'Uh huh. Almost every single day after work."

"So you like it?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far, but at my age, I've found I have to exercise at least four times a week or my metabolism gets shot," she said with a chuckle. "Are you thinking about joining?"

"Maybe," he answered rubbing his chin. "Thanks for your help."

"Anytime."

At lunchtime, Edward drove downtown to check out the fitness facility for himself. When he walked through the door, he was greeted by a man who was wearing a pair of athletic shorts, socks, and trainers.

But no shirt.

Edward was momentarily stunned by the man's bulging chest muscles and gleaming white teeth. Both looked extremely unnatural.

"Hey, dude! Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I wanted some information about your gym memberships."

"I can help you with that," the man smiled. The whiteness of his teeth temporarily blinding Edward once again. "I'm Jacob Black. The owner."

Edward shook the man's offered hand, which seemed to be dripping with sweat. He resisted the urge to wipe his palm against his pants.

"So, what made you finally decide to get into shape?" Black remarked after giving Edward the once over.

Edward was taken aback by his remark. Sure, he might not look like the poster child for steroid abuse like the man before him, but he was quite fit.

"Oh, I wasn't asking for myself. I was thinking about getting a plan for my wife."

"Hmm, I understand. It happens all the time. The missus gets a bit too comfortable after marriage and starts packing on the pounds," he laughed.

"No, that's not it at all—" Edward began before being interrupted.

"Oh, so she's always been a fatty?" He threw his hands up in the air. "No judgment here. I know some guys are into that kind of thing. More cushion for the pushin'."

"My wife isn't a fatty … I mean overweight. N—not that there's anything wrong with that," Edward sputtered. He had become flustered by the man's crude words.

Feeling the need to defend her honor, he pulled out his phone and showed him the screensaver photo of Bella.

"Damn, she's hot," Black said after releasing a low whistle. "And you say she's _your_ wife?"

"Yes, she's my wife," he answered incredulously. "So, can you tell me about your plans?"

"If you come over here," Black replied as he walked across the room to the opposite wall where a sign of services hung. "You'll see the different programs we offer along with the prices."

What caught Edward's eye, however, were the numerous pictures that hung beside the sign of Black and others who appeared to be his clients. The owner was bare-chested in every single one of them.

 _Doesn't he own a shirt?_ Edward wondered.

"Now for your wife, I would recommend the personal training sessions. I'll take care of her myself."

 _In your dreams, buddy!_ Edward fumed before turning toward the door. He didn't want to spend one more second with this tool.

"Well, I gotta get back to work. Thanks for your help."

"Wait! Here, take this," Black scrambled to the counter and grabbed his card. "Tell your wife to stop by anytime for a complimentary session."

After walking out the door, Edward crumpled the card in his hand and tossed it over his shoulder. One thing was for certain; he wouldn't be getting Bella a membership to Black's. He would figure out something else.

Later that evening, Edward scoured the internet. Since a gym membership was out, he needed to find something that would work just as well.

And It didn't take long before he came across the perfect solution on amazon dot com. With three hundred and ninety-seven positive reviews, it was the obvious choice.

The ninety-day system included four DVDs, a nutrition guide, and a bonus exercise band.

The best part was Bella would be able to use it from the comfort of their home.

Pleased with his choice, Edward went to bed with a smile on his face.

When Christmas Day arrived, Edward and Bella awoke early to exchange gifts. They needed to be at Esme and Carlisle's by eleven for brunch.

"Merry Christmas," Bella said as she handed Edward an elaborately wrapped gift. It was lightweight and flat, and he didn't have a clue about what could be inside the package.

After giving it a light shake, he tore away the paper. A plain black box remained. Lifting the lid, he peeked inside.

"Are you kidding me!" he exclaimed before finally taking the lid completely off the box. "How in the world did you get this?"

"I have my ways," she teased. "Do you like it?"

"Are you serious? I love it!" he sighed as his eyes soaked in the autographed picture of George Lucas. Not only was the eight by ten photograph signed, but there was also a personal message made out just to him. "This is incredible, sweetheart! I can't wait to display it with the rest of my collection."

Bella glowed. It had taken her months to secure the autograph, but she knew how much it would mean to her husband. He was obsessed with the Star Wars franchise and idolized its director.

After carefully placing the picture back into the tissue-lined box, Edward turned and got Bella's gift from underneath the tree.

"I think I got it right this time," he said letting out a small exhale. "At least, I know it's something you can use."

"As long as it's not a butt plug, I think you've already won." Bella joked as she unwrapped her gift. When she opened the box and removed its contents, her face fell.

An uncontrollable tear dropped from her eye, and she wasn't sure if it was a result of the anger or hurt she felt. Because at that moment, she felt both equally.

Her husband had purchased her the Richard Simmons _Sweatin' for Life Weight Loss System._

As her tears continued, Edward instantly knew he had somehow messed up. "What is it? What's wrong?" he asked as he rushed to her side and gathered her into his arms.

"Y—you, y—you … think I'm fat!" she sobbed as she shoved him away. After getting up, she ran to their room and slammed the door behind her.

Just as he was about to follow her, their doorbell rang. Looking at the time, he knew it was his father-in-law. He was coming over to ride with them to his parents' house.

Edward answered the door. As soon as Charlie saw his son-in-law's expression, he knew something was wrong.

"What happened? Is Bella okay?"

"I screwed up again," Edward moaned while rubbing his hand across his face.

Charlie groaned. "Is it worse than last time?"

Edward simply nodded his head and then pointed to the abandoned present that remained on the floor.

As hard as he tried, Charlie couldn't stop the laugh from escaping his lips. "Shit, son. You're an even bigger idiot than I realized."

 **Christmas 2016**

After the Christmas fiasco of the previous year, Edward wasn't taking any more chances on Bella's gift. In fact, last year's failure had led to their biggest argument to date. His wife hadn't spoken to him for an entire day.

And even worse, she had withheld sex for a week.

No, he couldn't let that happen again. So this year, he was just going to ask her point blank what she wanted.

"Well, I do need a new winter coat," she said as they were eating dinner one night.

Relieved to receive such a simple request, Edward replied with a grin, "I can do that."

The day Edward went shopping, Bella sent him with her size and color preferences.

Wanting to have the best selection, Edward drove into Seattle to make his purchase. Once he arrived at the Pacific Place, he went into Barney's where he was greeted by Seth, a sales associate.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes, I'm looking for a coat for my wife."

"Right this way."

Seeing the vast array of jackets, wraps, and trenches, Edward was confident he would easily be able to find the perfect coat for Bella.

That was until he started noticing the prices.

The least expensive coat he found was an eight hundred and ninety-five dollar rain parka.

"Do you see something you think she would like?" Seth asked as he watched the man go from rack to rack.

"Um, yes, but honestly, the prices are a bit out of my budget."

Even though he knew he could get in trouble for doing so, Seth discreetly handed Edward a card.

"Try here. It's my friend's boutique, and she has loads of cute things at reasonable prices."

After reading the card and learning it was only a few blocks away, Edward thanked the sales associate profusely before exiting the store.

"Hi! Welcome to Divine Intervention." A voice called as he entered the store. "I'm Alice, just let me know if I can help you."

After finding the small brunette at the counter, Edward introduced himself. "Hello, your friend Seth sent me. I need a coat for my wife."

"Oh! Great! We certainly have some terrific options. Let me show you."

She first took Edward to a rack that held a variety of bomber jackets and brocade vests.

"See anything here?"

"No, I don't think either of these are really her style."

"Okay, we have lots more," she said as she took him toward another rack.

"These ... I think she would like one of these," Edward said gesturing to the peacoats on display. They were even navy blue, which was a color on Bella's wish list.

"Great choice," Alice exclaimed. "What size do you need?"

"A small."

Alice began digging through the line of hanging coats. After she got through them once, she began going through them again.

"Shoot! We seem to be out of size small," Alice huffed. "I can order one if you would like?"

"Will it be here in time for Christmas?"

"No, I'm sorry. More than likely it won't get here until the first week of January."

"Well, that won't work," Edward responded with a frown. "Do you have anything else?"

"I do have a few vintage pieces in the back," she began before adding with an excited tone, "and you have to see this one coat I just acquired yesterday!"

After following her to the back of the store, Alice showed him a full-length, black, faux-fur coat trimmed with white sheepskin.

Rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, Edward said, "Yeah, I'm not so sure about that one. I haven't ever seen my wife in fur before."

"You don't understand," Alice explained. "This is vintage Borgana. Any girl would die for this coat, and it's a size small."

"But it seems pretty fancy for day to day wear."

Alice waved her hand in the air dismissing his statement. "This coat would look darling with anything. Jeans to cocktail dresses. That's why it's such a great find. It's so versatile."

Edward stared at the coat and considered what Alice had said. Bella hadn't mentioned anything against fur, and both black and white were on her list of color choices.

"Okay, you've talked me into it."

"Fabulous! Trust me; your wife is going to love it!"

After opening Edward's Christmas gift, Bella began to panic.

She didn't have the heart to tell him he had messed up yet again, but there was also no way in hell she would be caught dead in that monstrosity of a coat he had purchased.

Deciding her mother-in-law would know what to do, Bella took a quick picture of the coat and sent it along with a text that simply read, "Help!"

A few moments later, Esme replied with a puking emoticon and a message that said, "I'll take care of it."

Once again, the family was gathering at Edward's parents' house for Christmas brunch. Fortunately, the weather was unseasonably warm, so Bella only needed a light jacket.

"I can't believe how nice it is today," Edward said as they left their home. "I bet you're disappointed you couldn't wear your new coat."

"Yes, it's too bad," she replied with a fake pout. "Maybe next time."

After eating, the annual gift exchange began. Esme walked over and handed Bella an elegantly wrapped, extra-large box.

Inside Bella discovered a red, hooded, Calvin Klein anorak coat. Her eyes widened as she peeked over at her mother-in-law who gave her a discreet wink.

"Do you like it?" Esme asked. "I heard you mention you needed a new coat."

"Honey, didn't you get a coat just like—" Carlisle started before his wife interrupted him.

"Dear, can you go get a trash bag so I can clean up some of this paper?"

Edward hadn't heard the exchange between his parents. He had been too busy looking at the coat in his wife's hands.

"Mom," he said. "I already got Bella a coat for Christmas. She asked me to get her one. Do you still have the receipt? She won't need two."

"Oh no!" Esme exclaimed, "I had no idea. I'm so sorry, but I don't have the receipt. I threw it out by accident. I can get you something else, Bella, but you might as well keep the coat too."

"Esme, please don't feel the need to get me anything else," Bella said. "I can use both coats. The one Edward got me is very … um … luxurious. I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing it when I'm grocery shopping for instance."

"I guess that does make sense," Edward stated. He really couldn't see Bella at their local Thriftway wearing her leggings with the coat he had purchased her.

A month had gone by, and Edward had noticed that Bella still hadn't worn the coat he had purchased for her. As they lay in bed one night, he turned to her and asked, "Sweetheart, why haven't you worn your new coat? I thought you liked it. Was I wrong?"

Bella looked into her husband's green eyes. Even though he truly was a terrible gift-giver, she had never met a more kind-hearted and loving man than him. The thought of hurting his feelings made her feel ill, so instead, she lied.

"No, I love it. It just seems too formal for everyday life in Forks. I've been saving it for a special occasion."

Pacified by her response, Edward turned off the lights and began trailing light kisses down her throat.

The coat was soon forgotten.

One Saturday evening, Edward surprised Bella by arranging a date for the two of them in Port Angeles.

"I thought we could go have dinner at Bella Italia and then catch a movie."

"That sounds wonderful!" Bella exclaimed. "After this long week, a night out sounds perfect."

"The best part," Edward added with a grin, "is you can finally wear your new coat."

"Oh … great," Bella said.

Once they reached the restaurant, Edward had difficulty finding a parking spot.

"Honey, just let me out, and I'll run in and get our names down for a table while you find a place to park," Bella suggested after they had circled the restaurant for the third time.

"That's probably a good idea," he said as he slowed down to let her out.

After finally finding a spot, Edward made his way toward the restaurant. As he approached the building, he found Bella standing outside with a man.

"Sweetheart, who is this?" he asked as he reached them. Bella gave him a look of relief.

"Back off," the man grumbled to Edward. "I spotted her first." Turning back to Bella, he said, "How much, sugar?"

Edward's mouth opened in astonishment. Did this creep think his wife was a prostitute?

"Hey!" Edward said pushing him away from Bella. "This is my wife."

The man leered at Bella once again before scoffing, "Your wife? _In that coat?_ My mistake, pal."

Once the man walked away, Edward glanced over at Bella who now had tears in her eyes. Pinching his nose, he said, "Bella, please take off your coat."

"What?"

"Take off that damn coat right now," Edward repeated as he took off his own jacket.

After she removed her coat, Edward wrapped his own around her shoulders. Once she was properly cloaked, he then proceeded to the nearest trash bin where he threw the fur one away.

 **Christmas 2017**

One would have thought after giving his wife four years of terrible gifts, Edward Cullen would have just thrown in the towel and admitted defeat.

But, he didn't.

After the incident in Port Angeles, he was more resolved than ever. He immediately began saving money in hopes of having enough to get the one thing he knew his wife would love for sure.

"I did it," he told his brother on the phone one day after securing the tickets.

"Did what?"

"I just purchased two tickets for an eleven-day cruise to the Hawaiian Islands."

"Nice!" Emmett said. "I bet those cost you a pretty penny."

"I'm not going to lie, they were expensive, but I saved over five hundred bucks because they're non-refundable."

"When are you going?"

"July, and the timing couldn't be more perfect. Bella will be out of school, and I already put in for vacation leave."

"I'm proud of you," Emmett said with mock emotion. "My baby brother finally got it right."

"Oh, fuck off," Edward replied with a chuckle before ending the call.

When Christmas morning arrived, Bella was just as excited to exchange gifts as Edward.

"I can't wait for you to open your present," she said as she kissed him good morning.

"And I can't wait for you to open your present either," he responded after returning her kiss.

"You go first," she insisted. "I want you to open mine last."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep! Hand over the goods," she teased.

Edward gave her the gift bag and watched as she pulled out the first item.

It was a coral bikini.

Bella looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"There's more," he urged, "go on."

She dug back into the bag and discovered an envelope. After opening it and seeing the tickets for the cruise, she let out a scream.

"Are these for real?" she continued squealing as she hugged them close to her body before looking at them once again.

"Yes," Edward laughed, delighted to see his wife happy.

"But, Edward, these had to cost so much money. How can we afford them?"

"I saved. Plus, I got a really great deal because they're non-refundable."

"Non-refundable?" Bella asked with concern.

"Yes, but don't worry. I scheduled it for when you're out of school, and I've already been approved for vacation leave," he explained. "Nothing will keep us from going on our trip."

"When do we go?" she asked. Her initial excitement no longer present.

"July. What's wrong?" Edward inquired noting her change in attitude. "Don't you want to go?"

"Of course I do," she said. "It's just … well … here, open my gift, and you'll understand."

Edward's brow furrowed in confusion as he accepted the wrapped box from his wife. He couldn't understand her sudden shift in demeanor.

Once he finished unwrapping the box and saw what was inside, he looked at his wife who now had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"S—seriously?" he stammered. "I'm going to be a father?"

Bella nodded, as her husband jumped to his feet and began swinging her around in his arms.

"But how?" he asked after stopping suddenly.

"How?" she giggled. "Well, you obviously slipped one past the goalie."

"Bella!" he laughed, "I meant to say, how far along are you?"

"Eight weeks. I just found out for certain two weeks ago. I've been dying to tell you, but I wanted to surprise you today."

After doing the math, he said, "So that means you're due in—"

"July." They both whispered together.

"I'm so sorry," Bella began, "are you sure the tickets are non-refundable?"

Edward chuckled while scrubbing his palm across his face. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Are you disappointed?"

Shocked by her question, he took her hand and looked her straight in the eyes. "Of course not! I've never been more thrilled in my entire life. I'm just frustrated that I've once again screwed up your gift."

"Honey, that's not true!" Bella said. "I know you've struggled to find the right presents over the years, but I've always felt all the love behind each and every one of them."

"Even the workout system?" Edward asked with a grin.

"Okay, maybe not that one, but the rest, yes."

"So, you did like the butt plug!" His eyebrows wiggled suggestively. "I know where it is if you want to give it a whirl."

She swatted at his chest.

"No, I don't want to give it a whirl!" Bella said rolling her eyes. "I meant, I loved the thought you put behind the gifts, Edward. Not the actual gifts themselves."

"Well, you have to admit the turtles were pretty cute. If only they didn't turn out to be flesh-eating predators."

Again she rolled her eyes.

"And Edward, let's never, ever speak about that coat ..."

Picking up the box that contained the positive pregnancy test Bella had surprised him with earlier that morning, Edward stated, "Can you believe, this time next year, we're going to be parents?"

"I know," she replied. "Christmas is going to be a whole new ballgame from here on out. It'll be all about Santa and toys."

"And think about all the presents we'll be buying soon. Train sets, ball gloves, pets ..."

"Ahem," Bella cleared her throat and lifted a brow. "Maybe you should leave the gift buying to me?"

"Yeah," Edward agreed sheepishly. "That would probably be best."

 **The End**

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